year review: highlights of my 2013

My year review: the highlights of my 2013..

The best year ever! 

I never thought that 2013 is going to be my year. There are lots of blessings and memorable moments that had happened. Let me share my journey in fulfilling most of my dreams. I graduated with a bachelor degree in Secondary Education major in English. I also took my Licensure Examination for Teachers and fortunately, I passed. My relationship with family, friends, and relatives are also good. We've been so happy this year. We got so close that we appreciate the existence of everyone. I'm also thankful for the happiness that I have felt even for a short period of time, even it didn't really turn out to be so well. I don't really want to talk about it now. I'll just share it on my next blog. Many of my dreams happened the way I planned and hoped for it to be so 2013 has been a very good year for me. I just hope that 2014 will also be my year. So year 2014, please be good to me.. Hihihi. Again, goodbye 2013 and welcome 2014!

From Samahan ng Malalamig ang Pasko (SMP) to Siguradong Masaya ang Pasko (SMP)

From Samahan ng Malalamig ang Pasko (SMP) to Siguradong Masaya ang Pasko (SMP)…

Every year, I’ve been part of the SMP clan, the Samahan ng Malalamig ang Pasko. I was like those single ladies who were whining for not having someone special on Christmas day. No date, no greetings for that someone, just totally left alone, but at least I have my family and relatives to celebrate the birthday of our dear God happily. It’s quite happy and enough but still, there were times that you were wishing to have that someone special on this special day, someone whom you can call and share greetings, someone whom you have to give gifts to, someone who will make your Christmas extra special. Not that Christmas is all about being in a relationship and all, but the thought of having someone who loves you and care for you gives more meaning this Christmas season. Having that someone and your family will make you feel lucky and blessed, that you’re loved and at home, and that’s what Christmas is all about, being able to feel that you are loved and blessed. It’s about sharing what God has given to you, sharing your blessing to others and making others feel loved. It’s the day where you can celebrate and give thanks that we’re given a savior, the most loving and powerful, Jesus Christ.

This year is definitely an extra special year, yes I’m still part of the SMP clique, but absolutely on a much different view. I’m now part of the Siguradong Masaya ang Pasko. Thanks to my family, my relatives, my friends, and him. Ayieeee! Haha! Oh Gosh! This year is such a good year for me. I graduated with a bachelor degree, I passed the Licensure Examination for Teachers, and I met him, the guy who’s making me happy and appreciated. I want to thank him for simply loving me in spite of my imperfections. It’s already given that he has the right to be choosy on who to love because he’s a great man, but still, I thank him for choosing me. Thank you for making me feel special, for looking at me in a totally different way possible. I guess what I mean is, for seeing through me. He sees the real me, that’s what he always say, that he doesn’t care of what I say or if I blurt out all my imperfections to him because he see me as someone who deserves to be loved and taken care of. He said that he’s the one who’s lucky to find me but the truth is, he’s wrong. I’m the luckiest girl to find him. I don’t know how to thank him enough for coming into my life and rescuing me. I have seen a totally different view on love now that he’s with me. I don’t want to say things anymore. I just want to tell everyone that I’m happy and thankful for all the blessings I have now. A happy Christmas, indeed! :)

Picture by Marcelo Santos III

- kath.o8-

Do I still love you?

This was written last October 10, 2013. I know it’s late but I just didn't feel like posting this that time. Now, I still don’t know how I feel because of one unexpected thing that had happened recently. Wait for it in my next blog. 

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For months, I've been thinking on what I really feel. Do I still love him or not? That’s one of the many questions I have in mind, always. When will I know the answer to that question? Many said that what I can only do is to listen to what my heart says and on what I feel towards this guy. I have been in-loved with him for years now, to be more specific, it’s been 8 years. 8 years of loving someone who hasn't even given time to talk to me and clear everything. I’m scared that he thinks ‘talking’ is not needed because there’s nothing to talk about and because it’s only been a one-sided love ever since. Am I really asking for too much? I know I don’t have the right to ask him for his time but this time is very important to me. This will be my door to realizations and possibilities. I just want to ask a little of his time to just talk to me and say in front of my face if he really didn't feel the same way. I know many of you would say “She’s just hurting herself or she knows exactly the answer to her question or he never loved her. It’s so goddamn obvious.” But you know what, even if I know that there’s really a big possibility that that will be his answer to me, I still want it to come to him personally. That’s the only wish I’m asking from him. It is okay if I’ll get hurt, if it makes me cry, if it makes me weak or if it makes me look like a loser even more, but the thing is, as much as I want to just read him between the lines, or rather read him with his actions, there’s something in me that’s asking him to say it in front of my face. Maybe because I don’t want to be haunt by these “what ifs” anymore.  And maybe because there’s still a part of me that is so desperate that after all that has happened, I still want to know if there will come a time that he will love me back or if he have loved me back. Sometimes, I pray to God that I hope one day, he’ll come to me and just be honest with me. If he really doesn’t love me, then say it straight to my face. If it has to be said angrily, I think it is much better. Say hurtful words so that all I can feel is anger towards him and maybe after that day, I’ll learn to let go of him and not love him anymore. I can’t really express in this how hurt I am for experiencing this kind of love. Yeah, I admit. I have also been happy because of him, but many times, I only feel hurt. I’m always asking if why this is happening to me, if I done a very big mistake in the past because you know what, I want it all to stop. I want to know what it feels like to love and be loved. Not that I never felt those feelings but yeah, I know how it feels to love because of him and I know how it feels to be loved because of those wonderful guys who made me feel like I also deserve to be loved however, I want to know how it feels to love and be loved by one person at the same time. The time you can really say the lines, “Finally, the feeling is mutual” or “I love him and he loves me.” Is it really too much?

As for the question, ‘Do I still love him?’, it occurs to me again because for these past 2 years, it felt like I don’t think of him that much. Maybe because I kept myself busy on other things and there are others who made me think twice about how I feel for him. But I won’t lie that sometimes I still think of him and I miss him a lot. And if I ever get the chance to see him, I would feel so nervous. All my fears and worries will come crushing to me because I’m afraid of what will I feel. Then it will happen, the answer to my questions, I believe. I always feel the butterflies in my stomach. I still can’t look into his eyes. I still want to see him, to be beside him, and to show him how much I still love him. There are also times that I feel the urge to cry because of the mixed emotions I feel when we’re together. So after all of these years, what do I really feel about this guy? I don’t know. I’m not sure anymore, or should I say, I’m hurt too much that’s why I’m going to just pretend that I stop loving him and that I’m happy.

I AM A TEACHER.

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I passed. I am now a professional licensed teacher. Yeah! Until now, I'm still in cloud 9. I can't believe this is happening, but there's really no impossible to our dearest Jesus Christ. Thank you Papa Jesus for this blessing. I really really appreciate this gift of yours. Definitely a great early Christmas gift for me! :) I am so happy to know that I am one of those 25, 755 (39.75%) successful examinees out of 64, 782for secondary who passed the exam last September 2013. I am indeed very blessed. God loves me so much. I will do everything to prove that I am deserving of this.

Thank you to all those people who supported me all the way. Of course first on that list is my family. They are the ones who never fails to leave my side especially when I think of giving up or if I am in the middle of doubting myself. I love them so much and this is also for them. I want to pass so badly because I know that they are the first ones to be happy when they see me achieve all of my goals. Then of course, I also want to thank my friends, my former teachers, and my relatives for their unending support. My friends are the ones that I can run to whenever I feel sad. They always make me feel that I can pass the LET and all my efforts will be soon paid off. And it really happened! So happy! :) As for my former teachers, they are actually my inspirations. I can see the person I wanted to become whenever I saw them teaching wholeheartedly. They are also the ones making me feel that I am destined to become a teacher like them. And then my relatives, my titos, titas, and my cousins, they also supported me. Some of my cousins helped me in reviewing while some were the ones who cheered me up whenever I say negative things. My titos and titas were always reminding me that I can pass the test because I'm a Quejada or a Pastorfide. hahaha! Lahi ng mga guro! :)

This is really a great gift from God. No words can really describe how I feel right now. I love you all! And good luck to me. This is a new chapter in my life. I am so happy. Yehey! I AM NOW A CERTIFIED PROFESSIONAL TEACHER. :) <3 <3 <3

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Love is not easy...

Why do we have to fall for the wrong person? Why do we have to experience loving the person who cannot or rather, who will not love us back?  Why do one-sided love affairs need to happen? Why do we have to be hurt just because we fell for these guys who cannot appreciate and see our worth? Love is never been so damn easy. They said everything happens for a reason, but I don’t know if I still want to believe on this one. What are the reasons for these things to happen? Is it because these experiences will teach us lessons? Yeah, we learn something from them, but what a great lesson, right? Doubting yourself and gradually losing yourself while loving someone who continuously hurting you.

When I was a kid, I always believe that love is like in fairy tales which will let you think of destiny, happy endings, true love, and happiness, but when I started to feel the pain that it caused me, I realized that it wasn't. Love is not like a fairytale at all. It is not also like a romance movie that even if they get through a lot of problems and roller coaster feelings, in the end it will always be you and him being together, exchanging kisses and ‘I love yous’, but it’s totally not like that. Love is just an idea, a dream, a dream of being with someone who loves you and will do anything to make you happy, an idea of being with your faithful partner who wants to spend the rest of his life with you. That’s love. It’s an idea. It’s just a dream that not all people can have even if you do everything for that one person you love so much. You’re lucky if you’re experiencing it. I guess my luck is not as good as yours.

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Special things a guy can do for his girl

Special things a guy can do for his girl

1. Hug her every day. Even once or twice is enough. Is it too much to ask? You know what; your hug can make her feel appreciated and secured. Your girl can feel like she can be a young girl that you’re always ready to protect.

2. Kiss her on the cheeks, forehead, and especially on her lips. Who says kissing her on the cheeks is just for a friend. Sometimes, the so-called friendly kiss is enough for you to express that you love her, but remember there are lots of parts where you can kiss your special girl. Oh stop that thinking! What I want to say is, you can also kiss her on the forehead. Don’t mind those who said that it’s so ‘manang’, and it’s just a ‘grandfather/mother kiss’ because it’s not. A kiss on the forehead with a tight hug can be the sweetest experience she can have with you. This kiss can help you express your respect for her and sometimes use to say “Don’t mind them. I’m always here for you.” And of course, on her lips, it gives romantic moments for the two of you.

3. Write a love letter especially for her. Love letters can never be ‘old-fashioned’ and ‘out-of-trend’. This is still the sweetest gift you can give to your girl. Letters expressing how you feel about her can make her feel giddy. Also, it will tell her that she is that special for you to spare some of your time just to express your feelings through writing.

4. Surprise her even once in a while. Write her a letter, give her flowers and gifts that she will really value, or prepare a romantic dinner for her. I’m sure your girl will feel that she is loved. If you’re thinking about your budget, always remember that there are many romantic yet easy to do and more affordable things you can give to her.

5. Remind her that you only love her. Every day, say it and of course, prove it to her. Saying how you feel about her will makes her giddy and very happy.

6. Be always with her in times of happy and sad moments, even if you two are in fight. Try to do things to stop the misunderstandings that you’re having. Be there to comfort her and be someone she can rely on!

7. Take her in a long walk. This will help to have a good talk with each other. It can also be a big help to know each other more. Also, sharing stories can be a lot of fun.

8. Give her compliments! Tell her that she’s beautiful, that you’re lucky to have her, react on what she wears, or just give a simple yet sweet remarks, it will mean a lot to her and definitely will bring a smile on her face.

9. Introduce her to your family. This will make her feel secured and special. Introducing her to your family only tells her that ‘hey baby, you are special and I’m totally serious about you.’

10. Introduce her to your friends. Introducing her to your friends is like saying ‘Hon, I’m proud to have you as my girlfriend. I think you should know the people who are always with me aside from my family.’

So, these are the 10 special things you can do for your girl. It’s all so simple yet so sweet. Guys, it wouldn't hurt to try to be a little bit of a romantic guy once in a while. Make sure to take note all of these and surely, your relationship will grow and will stay strong. Showing some efforts will definitely make you win her heart every day. Make every day a happy and romantic day to both of you. Seeing your special someone smile even just once every single day is always the best thing to see. Stay in-love loves!

Fight for what you love :)

My friend posted this picture on her Facebook wall and it suddenly caught my attention and thought of writing a simple blog entry about it. The first time I read this quote, I thought of the negative things about fighting for what/ whom I love and you can see it on the first part of my original post. I just added this first paragraph because I really want to share to you how I reacted the first time I saw it. :) Anyway, yeah, I thought of the negative questions that can be ask about it but you know what, while writing that simple paragraph below, I thought that, no, I shouldn't be so pessimistic about it because it is still the right thing to do. :)

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My original post.. :)

When you are in-love or in a relationship, people always say that line, but many of us also ask, what if the one you love wouldn't put up a goddamn fight? For me, it’s not an issue if he wouldn't fight for you. As long as you take the risk and fight for him/her, it’s enough. At least you did your part, but if he really didn't do anything for you, then stop. You fought for the two of you already and he didn't so it’s not worth it. But if you really do love someone or something, even if it is in love or in your ambitions and dreams, fight for it, go for it, do everything! Remember that you won’t have what you want/need unless you will fight for it.

Never received letters

This is a reply to the previous blog that I wrote, the Unsent Letters. This will be in another's point of view - the guy's perspective, the should-be-recipient of those unsent letters, the guy that should be reading those letters if only I'm not a coward and just send it all to him.

There will be two replies: the good and the bad reply. Two perspectives (good and bad) from the guy that the speaker in the unsent letters is talking about.

The Unsent Letters

by: -kAth.o8-

Never Received Letters

Another surprising thing what she did for me! She really never fails to surprise the hell out of me. I heard she wrote hundred letters just for me. She’s really extraordinary. As a matter of fact, I think I’m falling in-love with her too. Who wouldn’t be? She’s always full of efforts and surprises. There’s this once wherein she gave me a big capsule container full of, of course, capsules which has simple letters inside. She asked me to read one of those capsules every day. 47 reasons why I love you, that’s what the notes were all about. The moment I received it from her, I only thought that this girl is different. I actually don’t know how to handle her. Then now, I heard about the letters she wrote but I never received any of it, not even one. Honestly, there’s something in me, a part of me that is too eager to know what’s written in the letters. She’s a sweet girl that’s why I know that those letters are worth reading. But she never sent them. If only she could stop thinking twice and give it all to me. What can I do to have those? I don’t want to ask her about it. I also don’t like to take advantage on how she feels for me just to have those. What I can just do is to hope that one day, she’ll come to me and give the letters to me wholeheartedly.

Never Received Letters

        I heard she wrote 100+ letters just for me. She really doesn’t get it. Why would she waste her time writing those stupid letters that I don’t even like to read in the first place? She definitely should be ashamed of herself. Maybe she thinks that after reading those letters, I’ll come running to her. No way! That girl really gets into my nerves. When will she leave the hell out of me? I want to say to her that she should get a life, a life without bothering someone like this, a life without bothering me!

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So this is my reply to her. Another unsent letter, but from me.

Love, J*

Unsent Letters

Unsent Letters

100+ letters, 100+ days of expressing my feelings, 100% of having my feelings on the line, 100% effort, every day, every single day, I’m writing these goddamn letters. They have a recipient but they’re totally not going to be on his hands and read it. I can’t give this bunch of letters to that guy. It’s not going to happen. I pour my whole heart to all these letters and when he gets the chance to read these, it’s like I gave him a key to open and enter the deepest part of me, my heart.

Some of these were written in morning, some were in night, and some were written in school while some were just at home. Some were happy and some were sad. I say everything that I feel in these letters because that’s where the only time I can really say to him what I feel.

Have you ever experience writing letters and not having the courage to send all of it to someone? That’s just so stupid and a total waste of time and effort, right? Why would you write something that will be left on your drawer for years? Just put those damn letters on the mail box and send it. I hope it’s really that easy, but it’s not. Most women who have one-sided love tend to do this thing. Why? Because they’re too afraid to know what would be the replies. But come to think of it, how will you know if he likes it or rather, how he feels, if you don’t send it. Sometimes, it takes giving up all your fears and worries just to know what will happen. Take the risk and you’ll see how this is all going to end.

-kAth.o8-

sad truth :(

I like you, I want you.

I think I’m falling in-love with you.

You want her, you like her.

You’re in-love with her.

Where will I go?

Where is my place?

I want to be with you

But you dream about her face.

^_^

for you...

This is for you...

Picture from:

 http://www.wallcoo.net/holiday/valentine_lovers_valentine_couple_08/wallpapers/1280x800/003_cartoon_vector_couple_lovers_ktqrj_2008.html

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I will be the girl you can count on

Everything you need in a split second

I will give you my world

And you’ll be the center of my universe

You have that smile which lightens the mood

The love that I needed the most

You have the potential to be everything I need

At least, the one I’m praying for Him to give

For once in my life that’s what I feel for you

You belong here, with me, just us two

In this dream I’ll stay with you

Just don’t want to miss my chance of being with you

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Realizations after watching She's the One

          After watching one of the Star Cinema’s most romantic movie of 2013, She’s the One, I had thought of my experiences in my very own love life and how much I want to write about it and share it so that I won’t think of it every single day. It’s hard not to express your feelings and keep it all to yourself, right? So here it is.

          I’m reminded of three men in my life. Three men who had been so special to me, three men whom I think I won’t forget and will always be part of me.

          Actually, when I watched the special preview for ‘She’s the One’ on Cinema One, there’s someone who said something like this, “It’s something that everyone can relate to. Lahat naman tayo nakaranas na ng maghintay, umasa, na dumating yung araw na kaya na ring ibalik ng taong mahal natin yung pagmamahal na binibigay natin.” When I heard this, I was like, “Oh my! I’m definitely going to watch this one.” That’s my reaction because upon hearing those words, I know that I’m one of those people that that person is referring to. So I watched it and yeah, I can relate to it. First, because of that statement above that’s really evident in the movie. Because just like Cat (Bea Alonzo), I have a hopeless crush (Oh! Definitely not just a simple crush, I mean, love) on someone for a very long time. In the movie, for 10 years, Cat’s been keeping it all to herself and just continued loving Wacky (Dingdong Dantes). We are in an almost same situation and maybe having the same name as Bea in the movie was not just a coincidence. Maybe it’s a sign or maybe just a simple reminder of what situation I am in. Actually I can really see myself to Bea’s character. They always say that I have high standards, even my guy best friend always says that to me. But the truth is, I don’t have standards when it comes to guys. I think I don’t even have the right to set standards that are so high like duh, me? Of all people, I know that I can’t even be choosy. Maybe when my physical appearance looks something like Blake Lively or Anne Curtis. What they can’t just realize is that I don’t really have standards, the thing is, I just have one person that I really love. There is no guy that I think is good enough for me because I already found the guy whom no one can replace here in my heart. The only thing that’s stopping me from giving myself and someone a chance is that the standards that they say I have can only be seen in one person and that is the man of my dreams, the person whom I love so much and the person who also hurts me this much.

       From She's the One New Trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWl1P3qIO7Q

          

      Actually, there’s another reason why I’m really looking forward to see this movie. It is because lots my friends said that I should watch it for my ex-best friend. They think that I can relate to it because I had a best friend a year ago. This movie is for me, that’s what they say. He was actually my classmate since high school and we’ve been friends since then, but the friendship grew and we became best friends since college. It was never in our plan to become best friends in the first place but it just sort of happened. We got so close that every day we text and call each other. We also got to the point wherein we can’t stand not seeing each other, that’s why he used to go to my university so that he can accompany me home. Yeah, we’ve been so close that we used to call each other ‘til midnight. Then, another unexpected thing happened, we sort of found ourselves liking each other until he asked me about what I would feel if he courts me. I don’t know what to feel that time, I know that I also like him but I’m also sure that I’m still in-love with the person that I’ve been waiting for so long. Another thing is, we’ve been best friends, I can’t lose something as special as that. I can’t help but think of what we can lose in the process. Having a best friend that will always be there for you is so not easy to find. Trust me on this one, guys. It’s really hard to find, just like finding a perfect partner who will always be faithful to you. It was as hard as that, really, and I can’t put that on the line. I have been wanting to have this kind of relationship for so long  ̶  a best friend who will be there forever. We can’t act so foolishly and lose the great relationship that we have. So, I decided not to ruin everything and lessen the time that we see or talk to each other so we won’t think of the growing feelings between us. I really thought that this is the best for us. I can’t stand the thought that I’m doing sweet things with him. I mean, yeah, we’re sweet as bffs but not to the point that we do things that the couples do. I really can’t do it with him. I felt that it’s a sin so I set some limitations. After that, he found someone and until now, they’re still together. We’re like strangers now because her girlfriend doesn’t want him spending time with me. She doesn’t like him talking to me or meeting me. We’re now like strangers. We don’t text or call each other anymore. I now lost my guy best friend. What I am so scared to lose when we were still best friends had vanished. Maybe we were really not destined to be together, even if as best friends or lovers.

From She's the One New Trailer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWl1P3qIO7Q

          The other guy that I’m reminded of is the man whom I considered the too-good-to-be-true guy. He’s the guy who makes me happy these past few months. Actually, I had known him from a social media application. We just had fun talking and knowing each other, and then we met accidentally. Not planned at all. We sort of knew one another now but still in the stage of getting to know each other. If in the movie, Enrique’s character is a lot younger from Bea’s. With me, he is a lot older. He’s already a professional doctor and I’m a fresh graduate. I always think of the age difference but they told me that in all guys, that’s what I always do. I’m looking for things that I don’t like so that I won’t fall for them. At first, I really haven’t notice that I have that attitude towards guys. It just happens. Maybe they’re right. I only look and dream for one person that’s why I’m like this. Maybe what I really need is to get over with this person that I really love. Stop making my life revolve around him and start having a life loving myself and the people who love me. Make lots of friends and live happily until I find that perfect person whom I will love and will love me back. Maybe now, no love can be good enough for me because I am so engrossed with my dream of being loved by him. Letting go and loving myself more are the answers to my problem.

-kath.o8-